A diary excerpt from Jonah

Dear diary,
You're never going to guess where I am. I mean, honestly, if I tell you, you are never going to believe this. I'll give you some clues. Because of where I am right now, I predict I'm going to be talked about for at least 50 years after my death. Also, it stinks in here. And, Geppetto, the father of Pinocchio is here, too. You're right! I'm inside the belly of a wale. How did you guess that?

Geppetto has been here a long time. He's put up shelves and keeps a few things there. He's said I can have the middle shelf, but honestly, I don't think I'm going to be here all that long. My plan is to pray for forgiveness and hopefully be barfed out. I'm not sure what's going to be worse. Barfed out, or coming out the other way. In any case, I've got to get out of here. I can hardly stand the smell, and just think, if email was already invented (it's not) I'd probably have like, 200 new messages when I got out of here. And imagine if Facebook was invented (it's not) my status update would probably say something like, "786 BC better be funner than 787 BC. Being in the belly of a whale sucks."

Our newest ward member

It was his mother that named him Gorb. She was going through a rough patch in her life and when asked about the name, that's really all she'll say. "I was going through a rough patch at the time. I couldn't think straight. I also bought a monkey and two parrots. I thought I needed company. Gorb's father left me and I thought I needed company. Now, though, I hate monkeys. You might think, oh, monkeys are so cute and furry and they don't need any attention and they like to wear tiny sweaters. Ya, well, let me tell you, that aint true. You're thinking of kittens."

And so, there you go. That might help you understand a little bit more about Gorb Thomposon, our newest ward member. Gorb tells me that he wears the eye patch in the same way many of you wear a hat. He says, "Have I lost my eye? No! Do people wear hats because they lost their head, or because they want to make a statement?" I asked Gorb what statement he was trying to make and he said, "Who said I was trying to make a statement?"

This is going to be fun. Also, let's remember that Jesus said love everyone.