Friday, September 08, 2006

Jesus never gave anyone a toaster oven.

I'll never understand why some of you continue to believe anything that brother Siepert tells you after all the times we have exposed his web of lies.

Let me make this very clear--We are not giving away toaster ovens to members of our ward that decide to start attending after being absent for six months or more. We will welcome them back to the fold. We will help them fix their toaster if they have one that needs fixed, but we are not offering prizes and awards in an effort to lure members back to church. The "prize" they will receive, will be the "prize" of spiritual blessings. And those kinds of blessings will sell for a much higher price on the heavenly E-bay than any toaster oven ever could. Even if it was an expensive toaster oven with an automatic shut-off and self cleaning feature.

Brother Siepert tells lies. You must use the spirit of discernment when you speak to him. We love him, as we do all members of our ward family, but he speaks with a forked tongue.

Bishop Gerald Higgins

You must supply your own oxen

As you may know, brothers and sisters, the third ward commemorative pioneer handcart trek will be taking place this weekend. Myself and sister Metcalfe from the activities committee have made some assignments. Some of you have been asked to provide a handcart and some of you have been asked to provide a wagon pulled by an ox.

We've been getting quite a few of you that think the ward ought to supply you with the oxen. No no no. The church didn't hand out oxen to the saints before they crossed the plains and we will not be handing out oxen this time either. Part of what you will learn, brothers and sisters, is that crossing the plains is hard, whether or not that means finding an oxen or burying your own child in frozen ground.

On this matter, I will not budge.

Also, some of you have been assigned a salad or a dessert for the picnic afterwards.

Bishop Higgins