Friday, September 08, 2006

Jesus never gave anyone a toaster oven.

I'll never understand why some of you continue to believe anything that brother Siepert tells you after all the times we have exposed his web of lies.

Let me make this very clear--We are not giving away toaster ovens to members of our ward that decide to start attending after being absent for six months or more. We will welcome them back to the fold. We will help them fix their toaster if they have one that needs fixed, but we are not offering prizes and awards in an effort to lure members back to church. The "prize" they will receive, will be the "prize" of spiritual blessings. And those kinds of blessings will sell for a much higher price on the heavenly E-bay than any toaster oven ever could. Even if it was an expensive toaster oven with an automatic shut-off and self cleaning feature.

Brother Siepert tells lies. You must use the spirit of discernment when you speak to him. We love him, as we do all members of our ward family, but he speaks with a forked tongue.

Bishop Gerald Higgins

You must supply your own oxen

As you may know, brothers and sisters, the third ward commemorative pioneer handcart trek will be taking place this weekend. Myself and sister Metcalfe from the activities committee have made some assignments. Some of you have been asked to provide a handcart and some of you have been asked to provide a wagon pulled by an ox.

We've been getting quite a few of you that think the ward ought to supply you with the oxen. No no no. The church didn't hand out oxen to the saints before they crossed the plains and we will not be handing out oxen this time either. Part of what you will learn, brothers and sisters, is that crossing the plains is hard, whether or not that means finding an oxen or burying your own child in frozen ground.

On this matter, I will not budge.

Also, some of you have been assigned a salad or a dessert for the picnic afterwards.

Bishop Higgins

Friday, May 26, 2006

Quick announcent

I dont want any of you to drink root beer starting next Monday during our "Avoid the appearance of evil" week.


Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The only "F" word here is for "Faith"

One of my sons told me that blogs are only used by kids that want to write about how they hate themselves and they always use the "F" word. Well, I don't know how true that is, but the only "F" word you're going to see on this blog is "Faith". And also "Fat" if I'm referring to people that don't follow the word of wisdom.

Monday, May 15, 2006

The stake president sends his love

Yesterday at church I forgot to mention that I had a meeting with President Martin on Saturday and he sends his love. Next week I'll be in the foyer hugging most of you and putting a snug arm around the waist of all of you others. That will be the love from President Martin.

I'm not exactly sure how he wants me to send his love. I never got a chance to ask him. He said he sends his love and then he quickly changed the subject to a couple people in the ward we're going to have to ex-communicate. I can't tell you who they are, but I will tell you it was not sexual sin. (You always just assume it was a sexual sin). It was because they stole tithing. Oh, it's so hard for me to keep a secret. I'll give you a hint. One of them just bought one of those new Susuki Grand Vitara's.

There's a new bishop in town

As you know, I was just called to be the bishop the first week of April 2006. So I'll ask for your prayers and your patience as I learn my new job. I'm sure you will all agree with me that our previous bishop, bishop Stenton did a remarkable job and we are all very sorry that he has decided to leave the church and become a polygamist.

Sister Peterson still having headaches

Just wanted to let you all know that Sister Peterson is still having her headaches and we request that you continue to pray for her. Also, if anyone has any asprin she can borrow then that would be appreciated.

Bishop Gerald Higgins