Wednesday, December 31, 2008

My 10 favorite things about 2008

10 - Went boating 36 times with my family. There will be boating in heaven.
09 - Kept my weight at under 200 pounds (righteous eating habits)
08 - Learned how to boondoggle.
07 - Helped my son Kyle with his Pinewood Derby (Wining isn't everything Kyle. But having a good relationship with your father, is.
06 - Helped my son Nathan eradicate the word "retard" from his vocabulary and helped him see that something "hilarious" isn't a justification for saying it.
05 - Invented a new kind of nog. Ham nog. It's delicious.
04 - Inspired so many people in the ward to choose the right.
03 - Quarreled less.
02 - Avoided evil speaking of the Lord's anointed, and also avoided looking down the shirt of Sister Laub even though I believe she bent over like that on purpose. Now, sister Laub. What are we going to do with those--I mean, you. What are we going to do with you?
01 - Strengthened the youth.

Happy New Year, brothers and sisters. And may all your prayers be granted and half of your wishes.

Bless this food

When we say a prayer before eating and include a phrase about blessing the food to nourish and strengthen our bodies, what happens to the food is nothing short of a miracle.

High fructose corn syrup takes on the molecular properties of cane sugar, sugar takes on the properties of salt, salt takes on the properties of protein, protein takes on the properties of fiber, and fiber takes on the properties of even more fiber.

That's why we Mormons are way more healthy than other religions and non-believers.

Go Mormons!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Contents of Sister Jorgenson's testimony.

Here is a 2008 summary of the content presented to us by sister Jorgenson as she has given us her testimony each month.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Deseret Book should sell these

Well that would have made things easier

I was just thinking that if the pioneers would have had access to some jackets with Gore-tex when they crossed the plains, that would have really made things easier. Without it, though, you can really see why they got as cold as they did. I'll bet if they did have Gore-tex, there would have been more of the following conversations:

Man 1: Looks like a storm's a brew'n
Man 2: Storm, schmorm.
Man 1: Huh? What are you talking about. We're bound to get cold and wet. Oh right. Gore-tex. I forgot.
Man2: By the way, why is your shoulder all torn up?
Man 1: I just put my shoulder to the wheel.

Most popular pies

Here is a pie chart showing what pies were most popular at the ward Christmas party last Saturday.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008


My son Nathan told me about Facebook and I felt it would be just another way to stay connected with the ward. If you use Facebook too, be sure and add me. You'll be blessed for doing so. I'll have to ask my son Nathan, but I don't think you have to be in the same ward. Or even in the stake. In fact, I'll bet you can live in other places and have different views on religion. I might be part of the one true church, and you might be in the full grip of Satan's power. It's facebooky fine.

This week's 44th least popular sin

Saying to a young single girl, "It's getting a little hot in here--Why don't we take off our sweaters" even though it's 35 degrees and neither of you are wearing sweaters.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Christmas gift guide

Want a great Christmas idea? Give someone an afghan. They're both itchy and cozy at the same time, reminding us that there must be opposition in all things. Young kids can benefit the most from this lesson. Old people can benefit the most from the extra layer. There is no need to be ashamed of poor circulation.