Dating advice from Brigham Young

Our ward historian, Brother Melden, has recently discovered an interesting historical document, and would like to share it with the ward. It is dating advice from the prophet Brigham Young, dated 1873. It is a privilege to see this before the rest of the world.

Brigham Young: Brethren, when courting a young lady, it is important to remember to let virtue garnish your thoughts unceasingly. And don't forget to bring her a carnation. If you can, give her father a mule upon arrival. Not necessarily every time, but the first time, and then about one month later. 

Always wear your best. Take her arm when walking down the street and make your intentions known from the very beginning. If she is to be your four or fifth wife, it is important for her to know this right from the start. Never bring any of your other wives on a date with a prospective wife.

Do not pet.

Properly choosing a prospective date can be subjective, but within the following constraints. A proper lady will be able to play the harpsichord and can recite many poems. If the poems have been learned from sailors, steer clear of this one. If she snorts at any time, that indicates a problem.

Often you will ask yourself, but what will I talk about? Ask her about herself. Ask her if she has any fond memories about crossing the plains. Ask her if her shoulder is to the wheel. (It's a metaphor. If her shoulder is actually on a wheel, that's worse than snorting). 

You may also want to ask her where she gets her petticoats. Then come and tell me. Some of my wives would like to find out where the best deal on petticoats can be had.

And always, always, always, remember to ask if she has any sisters.