Wednesday, February 21, 2007

New tithing program unveiled by me - Tithing Elite!

I know pride is mostly bad, but I am so proud of my new idea. It’s a new program I’m calling “Tithing Elite” and it works like this. If you pay 12-15% tithing (instead of the required 10%) for a consecutive four months, you will achieve Tithing Elite Status. This will allow you reserved seating in the chapel on Sunday (padded benches, of course) as well as a light buffet after church every Fast Sunday. More benefits will follow as we continue to instigate this amazing new program.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

yeah so money is not the point of tithing but whatever I'm not going to give you the pleasure of arguing with you...

Bishop Higgins said...

If money isn't the point, then why don't we still pay tithing with chickens and big sacks of flour? If someone brought in ten percent of his lawn as tithing, I would not accept it. I would still love the person, and I would still give them a calling (probably in the primary) but I would not accept that as tithing.

C lbs said...

In the Jewish temple, your seat at high holy days depends on if you are a paying member. I see this as fitting in with that.

Anonymous said...

I thank God, literally, that ability to pay does not infringe upon my seating "status" in my church. When I stopped laughing at the notion of a church selling seating status. I found it to be disturbing on so many levels. Ask yourself would Jesus Christ actually do this???? Another of the many mormon influenced reasons I left Utah... You guys so completely missed the point of giving. You don't give to "get a better seat". Imagine the thought of someone actually seeing YOU sitting in those special sold to the highest bidder seats. How utterly embarassing for anyone who actually falls for this!

Anonymous said...

Apparently you don't realize this isn't a real bishop. Its just a funny site.

Bishop Higgins said...

Not a real bishop? Are you doubting President Martin's authority? Do you even have a testimony? I'll tell you how real of a bishop I am. Just this morning I gave a lady a blessing and cured her cancer. I didn't see you at the blessing. Probably because you were at home reading The Godmakers and burning your mission journal. This sort of comment burns me up.

Anonymous said...

I've always wondered myself how many Mormons pay extra tithing. Mormons are notorious "one uppers". I mean, look at how many Mormons won't even let their kids watch PG movies.

Bishop Higgins said...

I don't understand what you are saying and I have the spirit of discernment. Nevertheless, I will one-up you and say that not only do Mormons disallow their kids from watching PG movies, they also won't let them smoke marijuana cigarettes.

Anonymous said...

I really hope that this is a bogus web site that you have on here and that your elite tithing crap is a joke. If this is true it is bishops like you that have taken a humble calling and let it go to their head. This is one of the dumbest ideas ive ever heard of. Not only are you going over what has been laid down by the church authorities which you are not. You are bringing something that is supposed to be private and humble and bringing it out into the open as show of who pays more tithing by giving them reserved seating. If a member chooses to donate more to the ward for ward improvement it is their choose to be done in private. By bringing this out into the open you are singling out members and causing seperation in your ward which will lead to contention. It is members like you that implement their own policies such as this who drive members whose testimonies are weak away from the church and its teachings. By doing this you are repeating the exact same steps that lead the catholic church to (forgiveness for sin by paying a donation) It saddens me to see to see something like this happen. It only proves further the errors of many when the receive so called power or authority.

Bishop Higgins said...

Why do you call the Tithing Elite program "crap"? I'm going to use the spirit of discernment and say that it is because you are a sinner. You feel guilty about the sexual sins you have committed and now want to try and tear down the church and the appointed leaders. I have news for you. I love President Hinkley and even if you don't and you'd rather see the saints get run out of Provo like there were run out of Navoo then I suggest you come home right now and repent. And do not go back to Southern Exposure. It is evil. And the cover change is way too expensive.

Anonymous said...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Serious or full of crap, it's damn funny.

hahahahahahahahahahaha

Angela Berrett said...

I think Bishop Higgins is hilarious, and yeah, if he was serious I would wonder a bit, but of course this site isn't seriously reflecting church doctrine - it's just a spoof. Like all those Mormon movies like the RM and Singles' Ward and The Best Two Years that play up all the stereotypes for laughs (while still being able to teach a lesson).