People of the ward!
I have just been given a revelation regarding something that is really going to be fun. And if this doesn't bring the ward close together, I don't know what will. Here's the idea. We are going to have a contest to see who in the ward can give the best priesthood blessings! Why hasn't this been done before? It's such a great idea.
It's going to work like this. We will pass around a sign up sheet at church on Sunday. Any worthy priesthood holder is welcome to participate. (Unworthy priesthood holders can participate too, I guess, but you're just going to lose to a more powerful, more worthy priesthood).
Each person will be assigned one of the ward invalids. You will race to the invalid's home, give them a blessing, then come back and wait in the chapel until that person is healed. The first person to have their invalid reach full recovery will be the winner and crowned "Best Blesser" and the looser will be nicknamed “The Lesser Blesser”. I'm even going to see if President Martin will let us use some of the tithing money on a trophy. See you Sunday!
People of the ward!
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7 comments:
Hey Bishop,
Thanks for putting this together. I'd like to throw my hat in the ring as one of the bless-ors. If I sign up really early, do you think there's any way that I can give my blessing to Sister Upshaw - I've been saying for years that she's been faking her need of that wheelchair and I think having her as my invalid gives me the best chance to win the trophy! I'll bet I can bless her, dump her out of the chair and be back in the chapel in less than 20 minutes.
God bless you, Bishop.
Brother Burton
Bishop Higgins,
I also am excited for this opportunity to show off my faith. I won my own contest back home in my home ward before coming to BYU. But in Kentucky where i come from, the challenge is to give the longest blessing without repeating the same phrase more than once. Let me tell you, I was tempted more than once to include the phrases "every fiber of your being" and "listen to your parents".
I've found that I am able to really seduce the powers from on high to work through my vocals when I wear a hat in the shape of a funnel. Get ready all you oilers....I am taking you down!
Bishop,
I was wondering if you could ask your son's friend Nathan to come over again and take a look at my plumbing. He did such a great job the first time. His snake was quite long and very powerful. He was able to releive the pressure of my backed up plumbing very quickly, maybe just a little too quickly, but anyhoo, I seem to be having another clog in my bathtub and would like Nathan to come over and take a look at it. As you know I am a single woman and have no priesthood holder in my home to take care of such matters. My home teacher Bro. Matthis is very dedicated but his age does prevent him from staying awake for any length of time.
Thank you
Sis. Morethanready
Dear Bishop,
I was wondering if you could add a confessional feature to this site. It would be so much more efficient to submit our sins here than having to make an appointment with your executive secretary, who never answers his phone by the way. Besides, I'm sure his wife listens in on the other phone. I know because one time after Bro Phelps hung up I said " Goodbye Sister Phelps." and she said "Bye sinning slut", before she realized what she was doing. Thanks,
Jenny Cummings
Bishop,
I couldn't get a hold of you through Brother Samuelson, so I guess this is my last option. I did want to speak with you about our last appointment. As you know, me and my boyfriend are trying to go through the repentance process. We discussed the problems associated with things like "heavy petting", "necking", "dry humping", "docking" and "oral pleasures". I didn't know that we needed to physically demonstrate this but I'm glad that I now know, right from wrong. Looking forward to our next appointment, I'll prepare Brad for his meeting with you as well. I hope your methods won't bother him, they sure helped clarify things for me.
Thanks again and again and again,
Stacy
Bishop,
You spelled "loser" wrong. Looser is something entirely different.
Love,
Brother Brown
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