Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Baby Blessing

Brother and Sister Cassbaugh blessed their brand new daughter Zooey at their home last Sunday evening. It was a wonderful experience. Since they blessed her at their home, instead of at church, we will print the blessing here.

......We bless you to never snort while laughing. We bless you with the ability to like spicy food. Just think of the advantage you have over those that say salt is as spicy as they can handle

We bless you to properly choose a mate. And paint colors for your first house.

We bless you to be a good speller. Especially on your blog. People will crucify you for poor spelling and will think that if you can't spell very well you must be from Richfield, Utah.

We bless you to not get any serious diseases with hilarious names, like, Rickets, or Restless Leg Syndrome.

We bless you to have Chinese friends. We bless you avoid getting an eagle tattoo. Wait. What am I saying? We bless you to not get any tattoos at all. But if you must get a tattoo, we bless you to get one that is classic and timeless, like a cypress tree, or a cresting wave.

We bless you to discern right from wrong as well as right from left. And by left, I'm talking about liberals. And by liberals, I'm talking about anyone that supports socialist government programs, like government insurance, and city libraries.

This might be a good time to tell you that your mother and I are already so very proud of you. The nurses told us you were the smartest one-day-old baby they have ever seen. And we expect that to be the way your whole life will be. We expect that you'll be so much better than almost everyone you come in contact with. But be humble about it. Learn about humility from your parents. We are so humble. Our neighbors are idiots, but do you think we say that to their face? No. We do not. We just take them fresh tomatoes (when in season) and offer to have our maid help them bring in their groceries. But do you think they do that for us? Never. They don't even have a maid. Or a gardener. And believe me, they could use one. Wait until you are a couple years old and you can see their back yard. If there was a blue ribbon at that county fair for the biggest, most robust weeds, our neighbors would win with flying colors. And don't even get me started on their oldest son, Brig.

Humility. We bless you with humility. And with great hair. Your mother has great hair and watching her fling her hair from side to side as she walks down the street is like watching an angel come down from heaven. And so we bless you with great hair.

We bless you with the desire to do genealogy. Because we don't want to do it, and someone in our family should.

We bless you with the strength to stand up for yourself. If someone says, hey lady, come over here and carry my bags for me, we bless you with the wherewithal to say, no, I haven't finished my salad yet, and plus, I don't want to break a nail. And then we bless you to somehow end up marrying that guy, because he's a world traveler and tans easily. And when he asked you to carry his bags, he mistook you for someone else. And when he finds out who you really are, you will both laugh, and say, it was all just a silly misunderstanding. Romance, begin.

We bless you to use Twitter as a missionary tool. So many people on Twitter just talk about sports or a burrito they just ate. We bless you to use Twitter to talk about how this world is going to hell in a hand-basket and that we need to all do a better job of following the ten commandments. They're commandments, not suggestions, people!

We bless you to always respect your elders. Good social graces and the manners they grew up with will never go out of style. Well, curtsying probably has. Also, "swooning" is a lot less common.

We also bless you to be our favorite daughter.



Rick said...


"This might be a good time to tell you that your mother and I are already so very proud of you. The nurses told us you were the smartest one-day-old baby they have ever seen."

Just this Sunday, I heard someone tell their less-than-one-month-old daughter how she has "already been a great example" to her parents. Examples of what? Not playing Halo for more than 18 hours per day? Not swearing like a sailor? Not having tatoos or multiple ear piercings? SHE'S A BABY! SHE CAN'T DO ANY OF THAT YET! The only things she can do are eat, sleep, and poop - all of which she does a LOT. Maybe mom & dad just need reminders on how important those three things are?

jaacs said...

'We also bless you to be our favorite daughter'.

Very funny. All hilarious.

Alison said...

I wouldn't be surprised if Brother Cassbaugh was the next bishop... with that kind of inspiration, he's sure to be.

DeNae said...

True story: My nephew is named Harley David Stubbs. And when my dad blessed him, he said, "And finally, Harley, I bless you to know that your grandpa had nothing to do with choosing your name. It was totally your parents' idea."