What is going on at the Jeppsons?

A special ward committe has been formed to find out why in the name of all things holy the Jeppsons' family home evenings are so boring. We've been hearing complaints from their children for years now, but only recently have we heard complaints from brothers and sisters of the ward that are not related. For example, Shelly Wexler was in the neighborhood and thought she'd drop off some size 6 pants that her son no longer wore. She wanted to give them to the Jeppsons because, as you know, the Jeppsons have the twins, Bobby and Tippett, that should be able to fit in size 6 pants, even though most of their friends are wearing size 8. (Malnourished, if you ask me). Anywho...Sister Wexler dropped off the pants and was invited in and was told "come on in--we're nearly through with family home evening". She happened to arrive on a night that had Brother Jeppson sculpting an exact replica of Nauvoo, circa 1839, with a crude "clay" he made himself out of flour and old socks. Sister Wexler reports hearing one of the children whisper "can someone try to knock me unconscious."

We'll get to the bottom of this.