Sunday, June 01, 2008

Bishop’s Conference

I can’t wait to go to Bishop’s Conference next month. It’s held at BYU every other year and it’s for Bishops in the church to get together and talk about issues we all deal with every day.

There are classes and lectures to attend, firesides, and an ice cream sundae bar that would make any 15 year old kid wet his pants. It’s just like youth conference but without the dance on Saturday night.

(That would be real funny if someone in the planning department forgot that only Bishops were coming and so they put “Dance” in the program for Saturday night and then everyone would just stand around at the dance, real uncomfortable, just staring at the most attractive bishop wondering if they should ask him to dance just because they’re all at a dance, or maybe they shouldn’t because someone would think they were gay because they were dancing with another guy even though--hey--you put it on the program, so, that’s why I’m dancing. That would be real funny and then every year after that when you saw the other Bishops that were there you would slap each other on the back the way men do and you’d say, “Remember that year they accidentally had a dance and Bishop Wacolmb asked Bishop Nordon to dance and it turns out they both knew the Foxtrot?).

Even Kurt Bestor will be there to perform.


Tabitha said...

I will be there, Bishop. This is this the event you asked me to cater, right?

Anonymous said...

Bishop, I am from Seventeenth ward. I look to your website for daily inspiration. My husband is the bishop. I sure wish wives could come. If here was a dance I would totally ask you to dance. My husband can't dance very well. All he seems to know how to do is "pogo". Somehow he thinks all music is by Devo. Is it wrong for me to find you attractive?

Bishop Higgins said...

Oh, dear. Here we go again. Another email about my attractiveness and physical allure to members of the opposite sex. And speaking of sex, this morning, my wife and I....uh, never mind.

Is it wrong? No, goodness no. That means you're normal. Human. You have needs. But it would be wrong to do something about your attraction for me if it goes beyond sending me cookies or making me a mix CD.

Just out of curiosity, what are you wearing right now? No--it's not what you think. That's not why I'm asking. It's just that there is a women peering in my window right now and I just wondered if it was you.