O Pioneers!

I'm not saying that being a pioneer crossing the plains would have been easy. Of course they had their challenges. But sometimes I look back at their time and can't help but wish I could have been one of them, with their nice cowboy hats, their matching shirts and their gitty-up sing songs. Sure I'm happy with what I've got, but a fellow can dream, can't he?

This week's 23rd least popular sin

Making sculptures of the Provo Temple out of Spam, then selling them on Craigslist as "The Lord's Most Edible House".

Just like last year, we'll have another guest Bishop

Next week my family and I will be unable to attend our ward. We're going to Lubbock Texas. It's that time of year again when we visit my mother and help her do some work at the fish hatchery.

And, just like last year, (read about it here) I've decided to arrange for a "guest bishop".

The guest bishop I have secured is an old college buddy of mine. He's true to the faith and has a large number of conservative neck-ties and I feel like he will do a bang-up job. When you see him next week, treat him with respect, just as you would treat me.

Also, don't tell him about the ward boat fund. I think that if you do he'll be jealous when he goes back to his own ward. And don't tell him about Mr. Wiggles, the ward dog, either. And come to think of it, don't tell him about how we just had "casual Sunday" and that we all wore shorts to church. And don't tell him about the snake that lives in the relief society room. And don't tell him how I burst out laughing during brother Calberts testimony last year. (So disrespectful. If he were still alive I would so tell him I'm sorry). But do tell him how I let any of the ladies wear fancy hats inside the church, like they sometimes do in those Baptist churches. (I love that about the Baptists). So while the guest bishop is here, mostly, just carry on like we're a normal ward.

Ward Callings

We have been busy this past week with a bevy of new ward callings. Here is a list of some of the callings that took place this week.

Ward Boondoggler - Ashley Knudsen
Ward Knudsen - Todd Boondoggler
Ward PR specialist - Calvin Billden
Ward Halloween Party Pooper - Martha Oberman (again)
Ward Chorister - Bill Romero
Sunday school teacher for the CTR-B class - Rob Sadler
Ward Cartoonist - Cal McGovern
Ward Machinist - Mac McCallister
That guys that puts all the Hymn books back after Sacrament Meeting - Olaf Skulgen

Without purse or scrip

Are you like me? Do you sometimes run down to the store without purse or scrip and then you get to the checkout line and that's when you figure out you've left the house without your purse or scrip. So you run home to get them and then you're walking across the parking lot and you hear some teenage boys yell out, "Ha ha. Look! That man's got a purse".

Does that ever happen to you?

Casserole wrestling

It's come to my attention that some members of the ward have begun a casserole wrestling club. Let me state that while it may not be as lurid and sensual as mud wrestling or jello wrestling, it is still unbecoming of a follower of Jesus. I'd like to see that this is discontinued at once. Casserole wrestling--what will they think of next? Actually, please don't answer that. I don't want to know.

The quadruplets - an upadate

It's been over a year since Sister Adler had the quadruplets, Faith, Hope, Charity and Brenda. (You can read about it here). Many of you have been asking why they named the boy "Brenda" and so you'll be happy to hear they decided to change his name to Randy. Believe me, I'm as relieved as you.

Will you be in the ward road-show?

Brother Samuelson is calling to see if you'll be in the road show. If the answer is yes, can you also direct it?

Makes you laugh and think

What's great about the Pearl of Great Price is that it makes you laugh AND think.

Just kidding. It only makes you think.

You can't choose yourself to be Elder's Quorum President

Brother Samuelson is calling to ask that you quit campaigning to try and be elder's quorum president. That's not up to you. It's up to the Lord.

Davey Wicket, you just misunderstood - that's all

Davey Wicket called me yesterday. He was concerned about the reverence level in the nursery. As it turns out, he walked by the nursery room last Sunday just in time to overhear one of the youngsters yell out, "I can touch my eyeball". Thing is, however, that he didn't realize it was the nursery room but thought it was the Family Relations class. Once we realized the source of the misunderstanding, we both had a good laugh. Then I showed him how I can touch my eyeball. One thing you'll learn about me if you're new in the ward--I love to joke and tease.

Heaven's Going To Be Awesome!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Heaven's going to be awesome!

Get To Know Your Ward Members

This Week's Profile: Stanford Camdon

Stanford Camdon may have a dumb name, but he has a terrific job. He owns a company that is the fourth largest producer of circus peanuts in the western United States (not including Colorado). He inherited the company from his aunt who ran the company for years.

You may have noticed that brother Camdon is hard of hearing. That's a result, he shouted to me one day, of being around all the heavy machinery at his factory. You may have noticed that brother Camdon only has one leg. That's because of an accident that took place at the factory years ago. You may have noticed that brother Camdon is missing three fingers on his left hand. He was born that way. Try not to stare.

Brother Camdon, great to have you in the ward.

My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Lord

The young women in the ward have come up with a new fellowship program designed to get more of the less active young men to come and participate. It's called "My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Lord." Let us all pray for its success.

Lex De Azevedo, Where Are You When We Need You

Wouldn't it be great if Lex De Azevedo would write another one of those musicals, like My Turn On Earth, but only this time, it would be about a dashing bishop that loves his ward, sometimes too much. He takes them boating and he's really good at badminton. But he lives next to a guy that thinks he should be the bishop instead and so he goes around telling people in the ward that the bishop isn't very good at playing horseshoes and that he doesn't know how to train a dog, even though he can. Man, talk about tension. How does it end? I don't know! That's why we need Lex De Azevedo. Where are you when we need you?

Don't Forget!

Just a reminder that we've moved "Casual Friday" to Sunday. Won't it be fun to wear shorts to church for once!