Baby Blessing

Last Sunday, Justin Gorble blessed their sweet little daughter, Cassie. Justin informed me there were quite a few things he forgot to mention in the blessing. And while they won't "count" now, he did want me to mention to the ward some of the things he wishes he would have remembered to say.

...And Cassie, we bless you to never use swear words until you're at least 21, and then only if you're in a play about coal miners. We bless you to be extra kind to Chinese people. They seem to hardly ever get a break. We bless you to not marry anyone named Butch. That name alone should tell you all you need to know.

We bless you to be healthy, and if you do get an anal fissure, it won't be until you are at least 93 years old. We bless you to not get vanity license plates.

We bless you to be able to keep from bursting into laughter whenever you meet people that say they went to LDS business college. We bless you to be a good speller.

You come from a long and proud line of Gorbles. Never forget that you are a Gorble. While the name may be a little silly and sort of sounds like an overweight person with a double chin, you should still be proud of your heritage and just be glad your last name isn't Siemens.

We bless you, that, if during your lifetime, someone figures out a way for humans to become invisible, you will use this power for good, never for evil. Satan will try and tempt you to become invisible and go to movies without paying for them. Resist this temptation.

We bless you to avoid getting an email address that sounds like you're a stripper. We bless you to be kind to animals, but never try to elect one to political office.

We bless you that you will have a beautiful singing voice that will lift the spirits of many through the power of music. Learn well the songs of Karen Carpenter. These songs will bless the lives of so many people at the old folks home if you can just get over the smell and humble yourself to go there and perform.

We bless you to have good memorization skills but also be good at ping-pong and hacky sac.

And finally, we bless you to look good in pink, but also in orange and brown.