Wednesday, January 14, 2009

No one thought that

As Mormons, we often hear humorous and not so humorous misinterpretations of our faith. You know what I mean. Some people still think we have plural marriage. Some people think we don't believe in Jesus. Some people think we have horns. (Really?) But I thought it might be helpful to list some things that no one has ever thought about us, and for good reason. None of these are true. Let me repeat, none of these are true. Let me repeat, none of these are true. Let me repeat, none of these are true..

1. Mormons can not have a frogs as pets
2. Anyone caught eating raw meat will be laughed at
3. In the 1950's the word "choosy" was prohibited
4. The secret tunnels under the temple include one path to a room full of fully stocked vending machines and pin-ball machines
5. Mormons sleep one more extra minute than non-Mormons every night
6. 70% of all Mormons (recent poll) think Ryan Seacrest is one of the three Nephites
7. Early members of the church used to think bears should be baptized
8. Most Mormons believe that once we get to heaven, clothes from Old Navy will be marked down ever further!
9. Most Mormons believe that the Nephites were first to invent hot dogs, but the recipe was lost for hundreds of years
10. Anyone wearing black to church usually indicates they've committed a sin of the flesh from the previous week.

Let me repeat, none of these are true. But they sure are fun to think about.


Browning Buzz said...

Hey Bishop Higgins, as I reviewed my tithing settlement sheet, I noticed it wasn't accurate - smaller total than what I paid. I usually give my tithing envelope to Brother Malloy. You might want to investigate this. I hope he's not pocketing this tithing money.

Nicea said...

Bishop, not to be contrary or anything, but I think #3 IS true because choosy the right just doesn't sound as good as choose the right. I'm just sayin'.

Heather Armstrong said...

They told all the choir members in our ward to were black for the Christmas program last year. Now I know why.

The Regal Seagull said...

Actually, Bishop, numbers 3, 7 and 8 are true after all.

I know this because Oprah did an episode on the Mormons a few years ago. And Oprah doesn't lie.

Anonymous said...

Wait...Seacrest isn't one of the three Nephites?!?!